09 Jan 06
Girls With Stiff Nipples Prefer Red Jell-O
Xena arrived in the chow hall wearing elastic bands around his nipples. Brandishing a pop bottle with a spiky ring around the cap, Xena approached Junior Bull.
“Whaddafucksdat on yer bottle?” Junior Bull asked.
“A cock ring,” Xena said.
“Xena, are you into S & M?” a youngster asked.
“Yeah,” Xena said. “I once hung work boots from my nutsack, and I couldn’t get my dick hard for two days 'cause it hurt so much.”
“Have you read any Marquis de Sade, Xena?” I asked.
“Who’s he?” Xena said.
“He’s the S in S & M," I said. "He wrote The 120 Days of Sodom when he was a prisoner at the Bastille. The book gets more and more demented - even detailing what foods to eat to make your turds taste better.”
“Definitely not prison spaghetti sauce,” Xena said. “I’d like to read his book.” Xena turned to Repo and said,“Hey, Repo, how do ya like my nipples today?”
“I noticed that they’re hard,” Repo said.
“I have rubber bands around 'em. I keep 'em like that for two hours, but I have to remember to squeeze 'em.”
“Squeeze 'em?” I said.
“To keep the blood flowin’,” Xena paused, “and for sensual purposes. It’s a complicated procedure known only to a chosen few. When the two hours are up, they’ll stay hard for a day. You wanna see 'em, Repo?”
“I don’t wanna see your nips,” Repo said.“But I will wrap those elastic bands around your neck till your face turns blue.”
“It’s time for me to take 'em off anyway. You want one, Repo? You could chew on it – it’ll be like Hubba Bubba gum.”
“I don’t pitch or catch at any levels. Women like me too much,” Repo said.
“Whoops. I just farted,” Xena said.
“That’s the first time I’ve heard you fart,” Repo said. “What did ya do, attach a rubber band to your ass?”
“I have a bad prostrate. Haven’t you felt your prostrate before? Its just half an inch inside your anus.”
“That’s an exit only,” Repo said.
“You’ve never keystered anything?” Xena said.
“No! Nothin’ goes up my ass.”
“But you’ve gotta check your prostrate from time to time. Just sit down on the toilet, stick your finger in your butt, and you’ll feel a little lump. Checkin’ your prostrate isn’t a homosexual act, Repo, and besides, the greatest homophobes are the ones frontin’ their homosexuality.”
“I’m not homophobic. I don’t care what you put in your orifices, Xena.”
“If you’re not homophobic, then how about lettin’ me put some makeup on you?” Xena said.
“No!” Repo said.
“Just eye shadow?” Xena said.
“No,” Repo said.
By some fluke – or perhaps a kitchen worker’s prank – everyone was served green Jell-O (jelly) except for Repo and Xena who received red Jell-O.
“What’s this shit? I hate red fuckin’ Jell-O!" Repo's face flushed. "How come everyone got green Jell-O and I got red?” Repo yelled at the kitchen workers.
The chow hall went quiet as we waited for a response from the kitchen workers. But no response came, so Xena held up his tray and said, “Hey look everybody, I got red Jell-O too. And guess what? I checked the menu, and it says red Jell-O’s what they’re givin’ all the girls tonight.”
Everyone laughed at Repo.
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Copyright © 2006 Shaun P. Attwood