10 Jan 06
For my heart’s sake, I haven’t called Claudia for almost a year. I call her dad weekly, and recently she answered his phone.
From observing prisoners in relationships, it seems that the lot of the prison boyfriend is often a miserable one. His happiness hinges on her fickleness. The level of attention he receives from her is inversely proportional to the level of attention she is receiving from other men. The prison boyfriend is a boyfriend by default. When she lacks alternatives he is sought out. Her attention raises his self-esteem until she finds someone who can give her the things he cannot – and then he is crushed. For lack of love the prison boyfriend is drawn into this cycle over and over again.
Claudia asked me to call her. I can tell myself to call her as a friend, but when I speak to her, all kinds of feelings arise. Her voice, her laughter, her softness act like hooks pulling at my heart. At times like this, I wish my heart were made of steel.
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Copyright © 2006 Shaun P. Attwood